There are two men in my life whom I would go to war with—literally. I served in the Iraqi war with one of them. These are the kind of friends who would drop everything and come to my aid if I called in the middle of the night. One of these men is my twin brother, Kyle, and the other is my best friend, Tylor Jones.

Although most of my former Christian friends never said it outright, their actions spoke loudly—they believed I was outside the state of grace. They were mostly Reformed Calvinists, and while they would affirm that I was forgiven at conversion—my past, present, and future sins covered by Christ’s righteousness through faith alone—the way they treated me told a different story. Despite my repentance, I was treated like a leper.

In September 2019, my divorce from my first wife was finalized. By November, I was engaged, and in January 2020, I married my second wife. I pursued this marriage without regard for its biblical implications, trying to escape a tidal wave of guilt and shame that eventually overwhelmed me.

I’ve come to realize that it’s not enough to simply recount the situations that led me astray. At the core, I committed adultery. Twice, I broke the sacred covenant of marriage, hurting the woman I vowed to protect and shaking the foundation of my children’s security. If I’m honest, the villain in my story is staring back at me in the mirror.